white flag?
how do you know you've reached the end of your rope?
that the proverbial last straw has hit the camel's back?
i don't know about you all, but i have reached the limits to my nerve endings. i'm talking about the ex....of course....again.
this afternoon, i finally have all my children back together since turkey day. the boys spent one night with their father & the girls were over with my favorite SIL, emily, for 2 days.
not that i needed a break from the kids, heavens no......well, ok.....yes....but only slightly. but i needed to get my BLACK FRIDAY shopping done. (and let me tell you how much i LOVE going shopping at 4 in the morning with a migraine from hell....wheee!) which was great, cause not only was i shopping AND getting great deals....i spent some great time with my eldest baby (who....just turned 18 2 weeks ago...). it was nice given the physical circumstances. and they had some great deals at Tar-Jet this year...we got a tree, a dvd player, some scooters....
i digress....sorry. back to the rant.
anywho, got the boys back yesterday, which was nice in itself. i never get to have time alone with just me & the boys. so, it was fun. we played, decorated the tree, chased each other through the house, etc. it was a blast. but i, well we, missed the girls.
so, today we went to emily's house (i made them 2 turkey & cheese quiches too! :) ....i love emmie!) to get the ladies of the house. made a quick trip to TRU for some things (no toys mind you....just a few DVD's & let the kids wish alot...) and then we all decided to head out to eat to fully celebrate my birthday (did you all know that i turned 33 on friday?? lol!)
so after much debate....we decided on Lucielle's in long beach. if you've never been.....GO! its AWESOME! not the best BBQ place in los angeles (Fred's would be #1 in my book, but its a PITA to get to & to eat at.....email me for details...lol!) but for someone from the south, its flippin awesome southern BBQ.
get to lucielle's, put our name in.....get a call from, you guessed it, the ex. wants to know where i am & if i would be willing to let gabe go to his house.
EX: "hey...what are you all doing?"
ME: "nothing. eating. celebrating my birthday. why?"
EX: "you think gabe could come over for a while?"
ME: "why? got a hot date" (i was kidding, of course)
EX: "well, i've got a playdate and need gabe."
ME: "you've got a WHAT?!?!?!"
EX: "playdate. she's got a kid about gabe's age."
ME: "you've got to be kidding?"
EX: "no, why? something wrong with that?"
ME: "well if you think its alright to use your kids in that fashion, then by all means..."
EX: "ok, so good. you'll drop him off?"
ME: "well, we're eating. its going to be at least 2 hours."
EX: "that's fine. i'll see you then"
well this just frosts my cookies. i don't know about you all, but it annoys the living shit out of me. who does he think he is?!?!? they're kids ferchristsake! not objets d'art to show off to people. i mean, WITH is wrong with some people??
am i wrong here? did i over-react??
against my better judgement, i took him there. i don't want to start a fight. i know i should, but i'm afraid of this man. he can snap & turn into an animal. i've seen it a few times & he scares me. and i know he'd be pissed off if he knew that too. he hates it that people are afraid of him...even though he lives to instill fear in others.
but you know...i'm at a point where i just want to quit. i've had enough. i wish i could just check out. if it weren't for the kids, then i don't know what i'd do.
i'm just fed up. at this point, i can't wait for the divorce to be finalized. i just want to go home. back east. to my family, my mom (yes....i really miss her & wish she was with me from time to time), my dad, my step-dad, bubba & kat. even my weepy grandma (who never misses an opportunity to tell me just how sorry she is that i'm going through all this alone...::SIGH::). i know that dale misses his mother & step-dad, grandma roe too. being out here is just too much for all of us anymore.
at this point.....i give up.
posted by jeni at 10:31 PM
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