drama queen goes overtime...
we were sitting in the livingroom, ending our sunday, watching santa claus is coming to town & eating our late night PB&J's....and all of a sudden...eating had become a contest. and no one else was in on it but lea.
let me explain something about my diva, self-centered queen bee, HRH, master of her domain. lately she's been obsessed about being 1st. for everything...and i do mean everything. getting into the car, getting into the shower, out of the shower, into the house, on the sofa, to the table, to finish food, to brush her teeth, to pee....you get the idea.
and we, the collective normal household, have been patient with HRH's latest stint with being #1. but this evening was the end-all-be-all of melodrama in the livingroom.
like i said, we were winding down for the night, tv, eats, the like...when lea (who up to this point had really been oblivious to the fact that other people were in the room...) looked up to view her domain and much to her chagrin...everyone else was finished with their delectables.
and she was last. O...M...G...becky (don't know the reference, you didn't grow up in the 80's...)
lea, most pathetic & sad, "i'm last??"
me, refocusing, "huh??"
lea, even sadder with weepy puppy eyes, " everyone else is done?? I'M LAST?!?!?!?!?"
me, puzzled, "were we having a contest i wasn't aware of?"
lea, chin now quivering with gloom, "...but mom...", starts to sob
me, "??????????????????????????????????????????????????", and looks to the crowd with a WHAT-THE-HELL-JUST-HAPPENED look.
lea, in full bette davis whining mode, "I DON'T WANNA BE LAST!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I LAST????????"
me, getting a severe case of heartburn from laughing my ass off, "because its so cute on you! and besides, we all finished before you!"
lea now tears out of the room straight for her "chamber of solitude" AKA the bathroom to:
1. sob loudly (the acoustics in there are GREAT for dramatic sobbings...its more dramatic that way...did i mention there was drama involved?)
&
2. curse me (as bad a cursing can be from a 5 year old..."my other mom (WHAT?!?!?) never did this to me!"...she & i are going to talk about this one after the conniption is over...).
she then marches out of the bathroom (you've seen archival footage of the goose-stepping marching armies of hitler? LIKE THAT MARCHING!! good lord, who is she channeling NOW?!?!?!?) into the livingroom, only to give me (and everyone else who is laughing at this point...which is EVERYONE) the evil eye & proceed to beat the shit out of my hall curtain.
i swear i never did drugs when i was pregnant with her. and yes, she's only 5.
towards the end of her tyraid, even the 3 year old was teasing her... "LEA LAST!! LEA LAST!!" in his cute, little cherubic voice. this only makes the queen of the melodrama madder than a hornet.
i swear....one day....there will be an Oscar. i know it. one day.
posted by jeni at 9:19 PM
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