Welcome to the Criffs of Insanity! She's crass, she's loud, she's obnoxious....but she's got a neat & tidy linen closet. These are the rantings of Keebler Jen...careful...watch out for hot lava.



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Name: jeni
Location: Norwalk, California, United States

who am i? i'm a mom (got 5), a girlfriend (got 1), an ex-wife (got 1), a sister (got 2), a hell of a friend (got a few) & a should-have-been southern belle (will have a plantation one day...). i'm what you would call compulsive about my linen closet & i have an unnatural attachment to my cat fred.

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The current mood of jenimoo at www.imood.com

D'oh!

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Prior Keebler Rants

  • only 10 shopping days left boys & girls!!
  • 11 frantic & festive days left...
  • holiday edition meme
  • 12 days to go....
  • 13 days.....
  • 14 days....
  • 15 days...
  • 16 days....and possibly feeling the spirit...
  • 17 days to go....and i'm in a miserable mood.
  • 18 days... (please turn up your volume & LET IT LO...

Older Rants

  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • Books on my nightstand

  • The Historian - Elizabeth Kostova
  • A Time for Freedom - Lynne Cheney
  • Family--The ties that bind & gag! - Erma Bombeck
  • If life is a bowl of cherries...what am i doing in the pits? - Erma Bombeck
  • Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way - John Paul II
  • dates that are important to me

  • January 1 - New Years Day
  • January 4 - Daddy Henry's Birthday
  • January 20 - Grandma Maria's Birthday
  • January 20 - Aunt Kathe's Birthday
  • February 2 - Groundhog Day
  • February 5 - Super Bowl XL
  • February 11 - Thaddeus' Birthday
  • February 14 - Valentine's Day
  • March 17 - St. Patty's Day
  • March 29 - Grandpa Horace's Birthday
  • April 1 - April Fools Day
  • April 1 - Kristin's Birthday
  • April 4 - Lea Caroline's Birthday
  • May 1 - Auntie Kristin's Birthday
  • May 3 - Grandma Annie's Birthday
  • May 18 - Nana's Birthday
  • May 14 - Mother's Day
  • May 29 - Memorial Day
  • June 4 - Daddy Dale's Birthday
  • June 18 - Father's Day
  • July 4 - Independence Day
  • July 24 - Nana & Papa's Anniversary
  • August 4 - Jacob Ethan's Birthday
  • August 21 - Grandma Dona's Birthday
  • August 22 - Gabe's Birthday
  • September 4 - Labor Day
  • September 17 - Grandma Dona & Grandpa Horace's Anniversary
  • October 2 - Tanya's Birthday
  • October 10 - Grandpa Dennis' Birthday
  • October 26 - Papa's Birthday
  • October 31 - Halloween
  • October 31 - Grandpa Ken's Birthday
  • November 8 - Uncle Bubba's Birthday
  • November 15 - Jenette's Birthday
  • November 23 - Happy Turkey Day
  • November 25 - Jen's hatching day
  • December 20 - Claudia's Birthday
  • December 24 - Christmas Eve
  • December 25 - Christmas Day
  • December 31 - New Years Eve
  • keep your closets clean! :)

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Friday, December 16, 2005

9 days & counting....


i heard that mrs. claus is making final repairs on santa's suit and that the reindeer are each getting a shiatsu massage......

today's submission is a favourite from my teenage years....

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
dr. Elmo, 1979, dr. Elmo's Twisted Christmas

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
and we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she
staggered out the door into the snow.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

When we found her Christmas morning,
at the scene of the attack,
she had hoof-prints on her forehead,
and incriminating Claus marks on her back.

Now we're all so proud of grandpa,
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football,
drinking root beer and
playing cards with Cousin Mel.

It's not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family's dressed in black
and we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts,
or send them back?

Send them back!!

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
and the pudding made of fig
and the blue and silver candles
that would just have matched
the hair on grandma's wig.

I've warned all my
friends and neighbors
better watch out for yourselves,
they should never give a license
to a man who drives a sleigh
and plays with elves.


Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.

Merry Christmas!

posted by jeni at 12:51 PM

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sure i'm funny. and hell's yeah, i've got some funny shit on here. but it's MINE.
not even "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" will save your rear.