Welcome to the Criffs of Insanity! She's crass, she's loud, she's obnoxious....but she's got a neat & tidy linen closet. These are the rantings of Keebler Jen...careful...watch out for hot lava.



About Me

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Name: jeni
Location: Norwalk, California, United States

who am i? i'm a mom (got 5), a girlfriend (got 1), an ex-wife (got 1), a sister (got 2), a hell of a friend (got a few) & a should-have-been southern belle (will have a plantation one day...). i'm what you would call compulsive about my linen closet & i have an unnatural attachment to my cat fred.

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The current mood of jenimoo at www.imood.com

D'oh!

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Prior Keebler Rants

  • alright....
  • Thursday Thirteen.....
  • its time....
  • the '05 year in review....
  • NYE!!!
  • she tagged me.....damn.....
  • whew!
  • MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
  • IT'S 1!! WE'RE DONE!!
  • only 2 more to do, as she opens the flue...

Older Rants

  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • Books on my nightstand

  • The Historian - Elizabeth Kostova
  • A Time for Freedom - Lynne Cheney
  • Family--The ties that bind & gag! - Erma Bombeck
  • If life is a bowl of cherries...what am i doing in the pits? - Erma Bombeck
  • Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way - John Paul II
  • dates that are important to me

  • January 1 - New Years Day
  • January 4 - Daddy Henry's Birthday
  • January 20 - Grandma Maria's Birthday
  • January 20 - Aunt Kathe's Birthday
  • February 2 - Groundhog Day
  • February 5 - Super Bowl XL
  • February 11 - Thaddeus' Birthday
  • February 14 - Valentine's Day
  • March 17 - St. Patty's Day
  • March 29 - Grandpa Horace's Birthday
  • April 1 - April Fools Day
  • April 1 - Kristin's Birthday
  • April 4 - Lea Caroline's Birthday
  • May 1 - Auntie Kristin's Birthday
  • May 3 - Grandma Annie's Birthday
  • May 18 - Nana's Birthday
  • May 14 - Mother's Day
  • May 29 - Memorial Day
  • June 4 - Daddy Dale's Birthday
  • June 18 - Father's Day
  • July 4 - Independence Day
  • July 24 - Nana & Papa's Anniversary
  • August 4 - Jacob Ethan's Birthday
  • August 21 - Grandma Dona's Birthday
  • August 22 - Gabe's Birthday
  • September 4 - Labor Day
  • September 17 - Grandma Dona & Grandpa Horace's Anniversary
  • October 2 - Tanya's Birthday
  • October 10 - Grandpa Dennis' Birthday
  • October 26 - Papa's Birthday
  • October 31 - Halloween
  • October 31 - Grandpa Ken's Birthday
  • November 8 - Uncle Bubba's Birthday
  • November 15 - Jenette's Birthday
  • November 23 - Happy Turkey Day
  • November 25 - Jen's hatching day
  • December 20 - Claudia's Birthday
  • December 24 - Christmas Eve
  • December 25 - Christmas Day
  • December 31 - New Years Eve
  • keep your closets clean! :)

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

Grandma's Cures

~*GRANDMA'S CURES*~
Keep this on the Fridge

Did You Know That? Drinking two glasses of Gatorade
can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side
effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that
Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with
mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong
Altoids
peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu?
Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for
30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat?
Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a
day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer.
Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms.

Alka-Seltzer
begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the
product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes...
Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a
Band-Aid
over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing.
Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus...
Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in
Listerine
mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
It is also good for dandruff!!!

Easy eyeglass protection...
To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of
Maybelline
Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Coca-Cola cure for rust...
Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with
Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer...
If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you
can't find the insecticide, try a spray of
Formula 409.
Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter,
let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress.
The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.


Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of
Listerine
... a powerful antiseptic.

Heinz
vinegar to heal bruises
.. Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour.
The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Kills fleas instantly.
Dawn
dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and
shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations.
Goodbye fleas.

Rainy day cure for dog odor...
Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with

Bounce
or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Eliminate ear mites...
All it takes is a few drops of
Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear.
Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days.
The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....
It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats
and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool
slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

posted by jeni at 10:08 AM

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sure i'm funny. and hell's yeah, i've got some funny shit on here. but it's MINE.
not even "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" will save your rear.