Volcanic Sacrifices: yesterday's mack truck day...

*****WARNING*****

raving lunatic rant about to commence. leave now if you suffer from weak constitutions or generally hate reading other people's rants. you have been warned.

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yesterday. where do i begin? i think that everyone here knows that i share custody with the kids dad. right now, since we all live in the same city, its on an every other week basis. kids come to me on friday afterschool & return to their dad's house the following friday. and so on & so forth.

yesterday was thursday. for all who don't know. thursday thirteen to be exact. so, most of us in the blogosphere can keep our days straight.

those posts are quite helpful!

anywho....digressing again. sorry. my mind has a tendency to do that....must be all the kids

so all he had was one more day. uno. un. ein. ένας. одно. one.

and he couldn't even do that.

once all the kids had managed to get themselves off to school (aided by his mother, of course) he began to drink. and drink. and drink. and drink. and who knows what else. i do know that his buddies were there. so i'm pretty confident that there was other....shall we say....non-legal substances.....making the rounds there. they were smoking, so that's my dead give away.

you know....he's almost 40. when will some people grow up? i get tired of having to make excuses for him all the time. i get tired of having to explain his actions to his 18 year old. i get tired of having to cover his ass all the time. i'm tired of having to pick him up, clean him off, motivate his ass & get him to realize that he's got a pretty great life....even if it is devoid of spousal support & relief (you know what i mean....he bugs me about this all the time...). i get tired of making him feel better about himself.

i know. i know. you're saying.....WTF is the matter with you woman? why do you do it?

simple. i was raised that way. i take care of everyone & everything. it was my job as the eldest. i held both my parents hands through their divorce. took care of my bubba & kat when they were little, while my mother was going to school & working. any fighting that came along....jen took care of. bubba won't listen....jen will get him to. kat's been misbehaving.....jen will fix that. your father is being an asshole.....jen will talk to him.

its always been that way. and here i am. while still fixing their messes back there, having to figure out how to manage my own here.

but really....back to mack truck man. i don't know what to do. i am at my wits end.

this is one of the main reasons for our relocation back to north carolina. to be near more stable family. to get the kids out of this element. to protect them from a world of hurt that their father can impose upon them.

yeah, sure. kids are resilient. kids can bounce back.

but i'm tired of my kids having to deflect the harm from their male parental unit. its not fair. its not right.

and the man who should have been their father, just has to sit back, watch this all happen & keep his mouth closed.

i'm just so tired folks. he's been at this stupid game since about the 4th year of our marriage. i should have left him then. but being the pollyanna that i am.....i kept looking for the good in him.

i now know that it must not exist.