Volcanic Sacrifices: what is wrong...

with my kid?? 18 going on 12..... UGH!

i swear, i love her to pieces. but one day i'm going to beat the ever lovin' shit out of her....again.

my eldest...she's a sweetheart. she really is. but she's also a master manipulator. (i think she gets that from her mother.....UGH) she knows how to work me, which buttons to push & how to twist that knife. right about now....i want to pummel her. its a good thing she's at the mall.

she doesn't go to college. she only works PT at target. she spends more than she makes. she loves to incite arguments between me & her father. she plays us against each other.

right now she's at the mall. nordstroms to be exact (i don't know what her f*ing obsession with that store is...i swear to god). she's been gone since 5. spending her paycheck she just got the other day.....roughly $160 gone. (must be nice.) she gets a call from her father, who tells her to be home by 10 (but which she says he yelled at her) and so she calls ME to tell ME to tell HIM to let HER come home when SHE is ready.

i told her NO. (which means she's pissed off at me now...) i am TIRED of being her go-between to dad. i am TIRED of having her ask me to treat her like an adult, yet she acts like a child constantly. she needs to call her own dad & tell him that her friend drove her & she will be home as quickly as she can get there.

i can't blame her completely. its her family....well, her mother's family. they learn this crap & teach it to the younger generations. manipulation, greed, mistrust, conceit, contempt & denial. these are their moral fibers. that's all they know. they are horrid people. really. just thinking about them, gets my stomach all upset.

this is why i need to get her out of here. get her away from all these people. she needs some stability. morals, values, decency. somewhere that i can reinstall all the things that i taught her & that she seemed to have lost in the year she lived with her grandmother.

i'm just so upset right now. i can't even see straight. ugh....what does it take to make someone realize that you love them & all you want to do is help them be better? be the best that they can possibly be? to achieve their ultimate self??

i think i'll go to bed now.....and cry.